Anyone Else But You
by musiksnob
Summary: After they break up, Clare and Eli try to move on.  Will they find true love when they attempt to date other people?  Or will they find their way back to each other. Threeshot.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**Twitter: themusiksnob / Tumblr: musiksnob**

**This will be a threeshot. I promise you it will have a happy ending. Trust me.**

**This alternates between Clare and Eli's perspectives.**

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><p>Alli grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the nearest girl's bathroom. "There's something you need to know," she said. I was used to Alli's dramatics but there was something in her eye that made my stomach clench.<p>

She checked the stalls to make sure we were alone. "Eli asked Imogen out on a date."

I shut my eyes and leaned against the wall. I knew this day would come someday but we'd only been broken up for a little over a month. "That's great. I'm happy for him," I said, but the sob that was threatening to escape betrayed my real feelings.

"Clare," Ali said. "You don't have to pretend with me. It's okay if you want to rip the bitch's head off."

"He has a right to move on. I broke up with him, remember?" He was controlling and possessive and after he crashed Morty on purpose in order to get my attention, I couldn't handle being with him anymore.

It didn't matter that I thought of him every single day since then, that I hated that we weren't even friends, that I missed kissing him more than anything else in the world. We were broken up and that was that.

It didn't matter that he had finally given me the space that I asked for, that he was in counseling. I broke up with him and he didn't want me anymore.

Alli gave me a knowing look. "It's not fair that even when the girl breaks up with the guy, he always moves on first. But you should really think about it. Maybe with Jake," she teased.

I rolled my eyes. "He's just a friend." Our families had been friends for years and we'd grown up together. But he moved away when he was ten, after his mother died, and we'd lost touch. As soon as he came back to Degrassi, we'd been eating lunch together occasionally and tried to catch up but with everything going on, I hadn't really spent much time with him.

"Maybe he could be more if you gave it a try. Whenever I see you talking to him, it always seems like he's flirting." I remained unconvinced and Alli put her hand on my arm. "Clare you can't sit at home every night waiting for Eli. Either tell him you still love him or move on."

"I can't," I whispered, wiping away a few tears.

"I know he was your first love and trust me, I know how hard it is to give that up. But I had to let Johnny go when he didn't treat me right. And you need to do the same to Eli."

"I just don't feel ready. I don't think I could feel the way I did about Eli for any other guy."

"You know, most people actually date the guy before they fall in love with him. You're not going to immediately be head over heels. Just go on a few dates. Get to know some people. If Eli's doing it, you should be too."

Alli was right. I did have a tendency to fall really hard, even before we made it official. Even with K.C. who I was never really in love with, I had a huge crush on him before we even had our first kiss. And Eli could have said "I love you" right after that library kiss and I would have said it back without hesitation. Maybe I could give this dating thing a shot.

The bell rang and Alli gave me a quick hug. "If you need me, I'm here." She left me alone and I tried to wash the tears off my face, but my eyes were still red.

I ran into Jake immediately after leaving the bathroom and I blushed, remembering what Alli said about him flirting with me. "Clare, are you okay?" he asked.

He followed me to my locker and I tried to grab my lunch and the books for my afternoon classes – that included English…with Eli. "I'm just having a bad day," I admitted.

He leaned against the locker next to mine. "I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up."

Jake was sweet. But after Eli, I wasn't sure any guy could make me feel the same way.

But I needed to stop looking for love by hanging onto my past. "Are you doing anything tonight?" I asked. I glanced at him and blushed at the thrilled yet surprised look on his face.

"Are you asking me out?" he asked with a smirk that made me immediately want to say no and run away.

"I guess I am." I forced myself to give him a flirty smile.

"Well, I guess I'll be pick you up at seven."

He seemed really excited, and I couldn't help but feel a little bit pleased that a guy actually wanted to date me. "What do you want to do tonight?"

"I'll surprise you," he said. He started backing away, keeping his eyes on me. "See you tonight," he called.

I smiled at him and walked to the caf. Maybe there was something to this whole moving on thing.

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><p>I was at my locker, grabbing my books after school when Adam smacked me in the back of the head. "What the hell, dude?"<p>

"You asked out Imogen?" Adam looked furious.

Shit. If Adam already knew, that meant it was really getting around. "It's just a date. It's not big deal." He still looked pissed, so I added, "You're the one who told me I needed to move on."

"Move on, like stop moping about Clare all the time, move on. Not move on, like start banging another girl."

"There will be no banging going on it," I said, swinging my backpack over my shoulder. "It's just one date. We're getting dinner and that's it." Adam looked unconvinced. "How do you ever know about this?"

"Imogen was giggling about it during science class. Loudly. And you know who else is in my science class? Alli."

Fuck. That meant Clare already knew. "Look, Clare dumped me. Would I rather be with Clare than going on a date with Imogen? Absolutely. But there's nothing I can do about it, so I'm going to go have a good time."

"It's only been a month, Eli. How do you think Clare's going to feel?"

I closed my eyes. "You know how I felt when she broke up with me. It can't be any worse than that."

Adam gave me a sad look. I knew our breakup had hit him hard too, since Clare didn't want to be around me and by virtue of that, kept her distance from Adam as well.

"It's one date," I repeated.

"Do you even like this girl? I didn't even think you knew her."

I hesitated. I knew her from the mental health support group at the community center that my parents had been forcing me to go to ever since I crashed my car on purpose. It wasn't like Alcoholics Anonymous or anything but we were expected to be discreet. Imogen was there for cutting, and whenever she spoke at the meetings, she was really intense. I didn't know if I could ever have real feelings for her, but since Clare dumped me because she couldn't handle my issues, I thought I might try dating someone who was messed up just like me.

"I don't know. I'm just going to get to know her."

I slammed my locker shut and we started walking toward the front entrance. Clare was standing right in front of the door, and that new kid Jake was right next to her. Too fucking close to her, in my opinion.

"I'll see you tonight," he said, and leaned down to kiss her cheek. Clare had her signature blush on her face and Adam grabbed my arm to keep from going over and clocking him in the face. Clare moved to open the door and then looked back at him. While she turned, she noticed me and she noticed the glare on my face. Her smile dropped and she fled through the front door.

"Looks like I'm not the only one moving on," I said. I was trying to sound okay with it, but inside, I felt like crying. Adam put his arm around my shoulders.

I hoped this date wasn't a mistake. Because if I had to go around school and see Clare getting kissed by some assclown… It was time for me to move on.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**Twitter: themusiksnob / Tumblr: musiksnob**

**This alternates between Clare's date and Eli's date. If it pains you to read about them with other people, let me just remind you to trust me.**

**Thanks for all of your lovely reviews on the first chapter. Whenever I step out of the Eclare oneshot box, I'm always a little nervous and your support means the world to me.**

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><p><strong>Clare<br>**

When I heard the doorbell, I ran down the stairs as quickly as I could but unfortunately, my mother beat me.

"Jake!" My mother had never been so happy when it was Eli coming to the door. "Come in, come in. How is your father doing? I was so glad when I heard you were moving back to Toronto."

"Mo-om," I whined, giving Jake a look of sympathy. "Leave him alone."

He grinned. "It's okay, Mrs. Edwards. It's great to see you again; it's been such a long time."

I could tell Mom was about to break into a long speech about everything that had happened in the past six years, so I grabbed him by the arm. "We need to go."

"Be home by 11," she reminded, sounding more like the strict authority figure that she usually was than someone who wanted to marry off her 16 year old daughter to any guy who wasn't Eli.

"Actually, Mrs. Edwards, I was wondering if it would be okay to bring Clare home by 11:30 instead. I'm afraid the movie might run a little long and I don't want to have to drive over the speed limit to get back or for Clare to be late."

"I think that would be okay just this once." She kissed my cheek. "Be good, Clare."

I followed Jake out to his car, and had to grab onto the door to haul myself into his massive SUV. "So we're going to the movies?" It was only 7:00; I wasn't sure how late I could possibly be for 11 o'clock.

"I thought we could go up to the drive in," he said, making the turn that would take us to the highway before I could agree.

The drive in? On a first date? What was I getting myself into?

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><p><strong>Eli<strong>

I stood outside Little Miss Steaks, waiting for Imogen and feeling really uncomfortable. She lived about a mile away in the opposite direction of my house, and it didn't make much sense for me to walk over and pick her up so we agreed to meet. I was starting to regret that though, since she was fifteen minutes late and my cell battery was dying so I couldn't even do much to distract myself.

Not for the first time, I was wishing I still had Morty, that I hadn't lost my license after my accident. That I hadn't screwed up everything.

"Eli!" Imogen squealed as she walked toward me, and I instinctively took a step back. She usually wasn't quite so chipper at our mental health group and I hadn't spent much time with her at school. She threw her arms around me in a hug that felt somewhat premature.

"I'm starving," she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the restaurant. I realized she didn't apologize for being late, and I was starting to wonder if this was a mistake.

The waiter sat us down and we flipped through the menus. "Are you ready to order?" he asked only a minute later, and I was about to ask for more time when Imogen cut me off.

"I'll have the Caesar side salad and a water."

Oh no. Was she one of _those_ girls? I loved going out to dinner with Clare because she ordered real food and always made room to split a dessert with me.

"I'll have a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a Coke."

I leaned toward her as the waiter walked away. "Are you a vegetarian or something? We could go somewhere else if you want."

"Oh, no," she said. "I love meat. I'm just not that hungry." Wasn't she starving a minute ago?

She reached for my hand across the table and I wanted to do nothing more than recoil back and tell her I had to go. "So, Eli...tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?"

"Where to you buy your clothes? You're such a great dresser."

I laughed. After Degrassi went to uniforms, I hadn't really thought much about clothes. "The mall mostly, but occasionally my mom drags me to this thrift store she really likes and I'll find a cool jacket or something."

"That's awesome. I'm really into fashion. I'd like to be a designer someday." She smiled and I was tempted to make a cheesy joke about how she could start out in the industry as a model. "What about you? Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?"

I nodded. "A writer, ideally. I'll probably have to major in education and get a real job, but I'd love to write novels."

Her eyes lit up. "I'm not a huge reader, but I'd love to read something you've written."

She smiled at me like I was the greatest guy in the world, and as much as I hated to admit it, I was kind of glad I had asked her out.

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><p><strong>Clare<strong>

It took more than 30 minutes to get to the drive in and while Jake kept peppering me with questions about school and my friends and hobbies, I wasn't really doing much to hold up my end of the conversation.

I just kept thinking about the drive in and what goes on there and what went on there the time I had gone here with Eli for a double feature. We had paid attention to the first movie, but we'd both seen the second and we gave up the pretense of watching and climbed in the back of Morty and had a _very_ good time.

I didn't know what Jake's expectations were. I was starting to realize that in the past six years, he had grown up and changed and I really didn't know anything about him at all.

He pulled off the highway at the exit that led toward the drive in and stopped at the red light at the top of the ramp. He looked over toward me for the first time. "Clare, you're okay with going to the drive in, right? I'm not expecting anything to happen; I just thought it would give us something to do that would still give us the chance to talk to each other."

I let out a sigh of relief. I knew Jake. He was a nice guy; he wasn't going to take advantage of me. "Sure, that sounds great."

He pulled into the driveway and pulled up to the ticket booth. "Awesome, they're showing The Ring. Have you seen it?"

I shook my head. I hated horror movies because I always got too scared. But Jake wasn't even looking at me as he handed the ticket taker some money and then drove to the screen. "Don't worry," he said. "You can get the popcorn."

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><p><strong>Eli<strong>

Imogen had finished her tiny salad before I had taken three bites of my cheeseburger and she kept helping herself to my fries.

"Let me get the waiter; we can order a side of fries," I said, looking around so I could catch the waiter's eye.

"Oh, no, it's fine. I'm not that hungry," she said, helping herself to another handful.

I bit my lip, not wanting to start an argument on our first date. "So what kind of music are you into?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Oh, you know. A little of everything. What about you?"

"The same, but mostly emo and indie. I'm really into Dead Hand. I got to see them last semester and it was the best show I've ever been to."

"Oh my God," she squealed. "They are my favorite band!"

It was nice to talk to a girl who liked the same music as me. Clare and I like all the same authors, but none of the same bands. "That's awesome. What's your favorite Dead Hand song?"

"I love Paisley Jacket."

Okay, that was a little obvious, considering that was the only song of theirs that had any radio play. But it was a great song. "Mine is Only You." She stared at me blankly. "It's on Rear Window." No recognition. "Their first album?"

"I just have some of their Mp3s."

Okay, fine, but then don't call them your favorite band, I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue. I finished my burger and looked at my watch. I was still a little hungry considering I had only gotten to have a few of my fries, but I wasn't sure I wanted to stick around for dessert.

"Do you have any tattoos?" she asked.

"Nope," I said, though my mind immediately went back to my trip to the tattoo parlor on my first date with Clare and I reached up to touch my cartilage piercing.

"I've got one," she said coyly. She leaned closer to me over the table and ran her finger over the somewhat low cut neckline of her shirt. "Maybe if you're nice, I'll let you see it later."

I never thought I'd be the kind of guy to turn down an attractive woman. But after dating Clare, who carried herself with such dignity and respect, Imogen's flirtation just seemed…desperate.

"Can I have the dessert menu?" I asked the waiter, deciding to ignore her advance. I was hoping she'd get the hint, and I wouldn't have to turn her down later. I wasn't really worried about resisting her, but I wasn't sure how she'd react.

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><p><strong>Clare<strong>

"Eeee," I screeched as I jumped again, scared of what was happening on the screen.

Jake laughed. "You're such a baby, Edwards."

I turned away so he wouldn't see my pout. "I don't like horror movies."

"Come on, this is so classic," he said, turning back to the screen.

I tried to keep watching, but my heart was pounding. I thought back to the last movie I saw with Eli: Black Swan. That movie had a few intense moments that made me squirm, but Eli would just put his arm around me and kiss my temple and I felt so comfortable with him.

As much as I missed that, I was pretty sure if Jake tried to comfort me in the same way, I'd sock him in the nose.

But Jake wasn't paying any attention to me, absorbed in the movie. Didn't he want to go to the drive in because we'd be able to talk? He'd already seen this and I certainly didn't want to watch it.

"So does your family still have the lake house?" My family had spent a week there each summer from when I was five to ten years old, before Jake's mom had died and his father had moved them to Vancouver to be closer to his parents.

"Yeah, we went up there last weekend to check it out. My dad's been renting it, but I think we might start spending summers up there again." He took his eyes off the screen and looked at me. "Why, would you want to go up some time?"

I shrugged, not sure I wanted to commit to something like that. "Darcy and I used to love going to the lake. Back when my parents actually got along." My voice dropped a little in sadness as I remembered my dad chasing us around with a super soaker, while my mom curled up on a lawn chair on the dock, alternating between reading and swimming, her favorite summer activities. Jake's dad always made a bonfire and we would sit around, roasting marshmallows and singing hymns and campfire songs as his mom played along on her guitar.

"You know, Darcy's in Kenya; she's been there for almost a year and a half, building schools and digging wells in remote villages. I wonder if I could get her to come home for a visit if I told her we were going to the lake."

"Mmmhmm." Jake was engrossed in the movie again.

This was ridiculous. The only reason I agreed to go along with Alli's stupid suggestion was because I was curious to get to know my old friend again. But Jake was clearly more interested in a movie that he'd seen multiple times than in me.

I stared at him, frustrated until he finally realized my attention wasn't on the movie. "What?"

"I thought you wanted to talk."

He looked confused for a second and then he perked up. "Ohhh. I'm sorry. I figured you'd want to watch the movie."

"I hate horror movies," I repeated, a little annoyed that he hadn't gotten the hint when I mentioned this earlier.

He gave me a look and I immediately realized I had made a mistake. He leaned toward me and the next thing I knew, his mouth was on mine.

* * *

><p><strong>Eli<strong>

"It was pretty amazing," I said. "There were almost 80 kids there and everyone had a really good time. I'm not really into party music, but Sav's a good DJ, and everyone was dancing. I don't think I'm going into a career in the party planning industry or anything, but it was a pretty awesome night."

Imogen grinned at me and for the first time, I was starting to feel comfortable with her. I wasn't sure I'd ever _like_ her. But maybe this date wasn't such a failure.

"Did you get high?"

"What?" Where did that come from?

"At the party, did you get high?"

"Uh, no, I'm not a druggie." There were a few teens coping with substance abuse issues in our group, but I didn't think Imogen was one of them.

"Oh, right, no, me neither," she said. But she sounded a bit disappointed. The waiter brought over my ice cream and I started shoveling it into my mouth as fast as I could before she could eat it all on me, since she had refused to get her own dessert.

I felt really awkward again. "It's kind of hot in here," I said as I slipped out of the sleeves of my leather jacket.

"Yeah, it really is," she said, pushing up the sleeves of her shirt.

I stared at her arms. Her perfect, unscarred arms. Imogen appeared to figure out her mistake and pushed the sleeves right back down.

"I thought you are a cutter," I said, a little more accusingly than I should have. But she had had made a big speech at our last meeting about dealing with self-harm and trying not to cut and even if she had managed to stop recently, there's no way her arms would be unmarred. I thought about Adam and I knew I was right.

"I am!" she said quickly. "But I'm so afraid of getting caught, I only do it in places no one can see." She gestured vaguely at her stomach.

Well, that made sense. Except I was pretty sure she was offering to take her shirt off for me earlier, and something told me her stomach looked a lot like her arms: untouched.

"Right," I said vaguely. I gestured to the waiter so I could get the check. I wanted to get out of here as fast as I could.

* * *

><p><strong>Clare<strong>

I was so surprised that Jake was kissing me that I didn't push him away immediately and I realized that he was a pretty good kisser. He gently touched my cheek and pulled me closer, and the tiny part of me that had been curious about him even as a little girl started to kiss him back. It took all the strength I had to ignore the big part of me that could only think about Eli.

His tongue met mine and I was shocked at how nice it felt to kiss him. He had a little bit of stubble which felt a little rough against my lips but since the kiss was gentle, it almost felt nice.

I pulled back, a little lightheaded and Jake gave me a shy smile. "I've wanted to do that since I was ten years old."

I blushed. "Really?" I always thought he had a bit of a crush on Darcy, even though she was three years older than him, since she was always the pretty, outgoing one, and I was always shy.

He didn't respond, but pulled me into another kiss, and I allowed myself to lose myself in it just a bit, the ten year old girl in me happy to receive his attention.

He moved his hand off my cheek and for a moment, I was confused, but it turned up on my chest, attempting to unbutton my shirt.

I clearly wasn't going to let that happen, not on a first date, not in the front of his car at a drive in, and I stilled his hand. "Sorry," he said quickly, barely missing a moment on my lips. The kiss continued, but I was a bit more hesitant now.

My nerves turned out to be well-founded because the next thing I knew, he was cupping my breast through my shirt. His touch was rough and uncomfortable, not to mention unwelcome, and I placed both hands on his chest to push him away.

"Jake, no," I said, a little more forcefully than either of us were expecting.

"I'm sorry, Clare," he said, his tone light and sweet. "You're such a great kisser. I promise, I'll keep my hands to myself."

He leaned back toward me and I wasn't sure I wanted to keep kissing him at this point, but I didn't know what else to do, so I allowed it.

Eli had always respected my boundaries; we had dated for well over a month before he touched my breasts over my shirt and a few weeks longer before I allowed him to remove it. We had dated for months and we hadn't taken it father than that, and Eli had never complained once. If he wanted to do more, he asked using words, rather than his hands, and when the answer was no, he respected it.

I couldn't believe that my sweet, childhood friend Jake was so aggressive, but worse was that he didn't seem to take a hint. His kisses had grown forceful, his tongue demanding, the stubble that was intriguing before now abrasive against my soft skin. His hand moved from my back to my leg, sliding under the hem of my skirt, while the other went for my shirt. I tried to pull back but he held me to him and his hand covered the cup of my bra before I got a hand free and slapped him in the face to get him off me.

"Clare," he said, looking ashamed and rubbing his cheek. But there was nothing he could say to make me kiss him again, nothing he could say that would make me want to spend another moment with him.

I thought about jumping out of the car, of calling someone to come rescue me, so I didn't have to make the trip back to Toronto with Jake. But even if Eli would answer the phone, even if he wanted to help me, he didn't have a license any longer. The only person I could call was my mother, and I didn't want her to know what happened tonight.

"Just take me home."

Jake turned the car back on and drove off without a word.

* * *

><p><strong>Eli<strong>

"Let me get the check," Imogen said, picking it up as soon as the waiter set it on the table.

I wasn't one of those guys who were intimidated by girls who wanted to pay, but in this case, that was ridiculous. "You had a salad. And I asked you out. It's my treat."

"No, no," she said. "I've got it." She put her hand on mine. "Your hands are all greasy. Go wash up and then meet me outside. I've got this." She waved the check around, and I agreed, mostly to stop her from touching me.

In the bathroom, I looked into the mirror and shook my head. What was I doing? Maybe I did need to get over Clare, but I wasn't going to do that by dating Imogen. I washed my hands, even though they didn't feel especially greasy to me, and tried to think up an excuse so I could leave and not have to walk her home.

When I stepped out of the men's room, a large man in a cowboy outfit blocked my exit. "You're not going anywhere."

"Excuse me?"

"Your girlfriend ran out on the check."

"She's not my girlfriend," I mumbled. He glared at me and I pulled out my wallet.

"It's just a misunderstanding, sir. She probably got a phone call and needed to leave and figured I'd pay before I left. Here," I said, handing him $40, which was way more than we owed, even including the tip.

He looked like he wanted to fight me on it, and I was momentarily scared that he was going to call the cops and I was going to disappoint my parents yet again. "Don't come back here," he said, pocketing the cash.

Imogen was waiting across the street, and I was tempted to just walk away but I felt like I needed to give her a piece of my mind first. "Awww, you got caught," she said as she tried to grab onto my arm but I pulled it away.

"What is wrong with you? I said I would pay the check. The guy was about ten seconds away from calling the cops on me."

"Sorry baby," she said, and I felt my hamburger and ice cream churning in my stomach.

"You know what, Imogen. This was a mistake. I'm sorry. But this was a mistake."

I had already walked three blocks in the wrong direction before I realized that I wasn't heading home. I was heading to Clare's. I knew it was a bad idea, but I just…I had to see her. I had to see if there was any chance that she'd forgive me.

Because I knew it wasn't just Imogen. It wasn't that she was a liar or that she was phony or that she appeared to be looking for someone that just wasn't me. She could have been the perfect girl, and I would still want to be with Clare.

But when I reached her house, I looked up to her room. It was dark. Clearly her date was going a lot better than mine.

I managed to walk most of the way home before I threw up.

* * *

><p><strong>Clare<strong>

If I had thought the drive to the theatre was awkward, it was nothing compared to the way back. I was silent and Jake kept muttering under his breath. I couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, but I was fairly certain the word 'bitch' was mentioned.

I don't know what I was expecting, but I was pretty sure that nothing could be worse than this date. Not only were we not a match made in heaven, but I was pretty sure I now hated one of my oldest friends.

And I still missed Eli.

We made it back into Toronto, though Jake missed the right exit to get to my house so we had to go the long way. I realized we were about to pass Eli's street and knew that was the only place I wanted to be.

"Drop me off here," I ordered and Jake pulled over but put his hand on my arm.

"Clare, I know you're upset and I'm sorry, but you don't need to get out of the car. I'll take you home."

"There's something else I need to do," I said, reaching for the door handle.

"Clare, come on…your mother is never going to forgive me if I don't bring you home in one piece."

I ripped my arm away from his and opened up the door. "Maybe you should have thought of that before you tried to grope me." I hopped out and slammed the door.

I jogged the last block towards Eli's house as Jake sped away. But once I got to his doorstep, all of my confidence faded away.

What was I supposed to say to him? I went on a date and my oldest childhood friend got handsy and now I don't want to be alone? This was a bad idea. I was the idiot who broke up with Eli and now I needed to live with the consequences.

I whirled around, trying to gear myself up for the long walk home, and then stopped. Because walking up the street right toward me was Eli.

He looked awful, like his night had gone just about as well as mine had, and I just stood, shocked, as he looked up and saw me waiting for him.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else. I also don't own the Mr. T Experience, but You're the Only One is a great song. Anyone Else But You is also a great song by the Moldy Peaches.**

**Twitter: themusiksnob / Tumblr: musiksnob**

**This chapter is all Eli's POV and it is the final chapter.**

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><p>Seeing Clare on my doorstep felt like one of those magical movie moments where the lovers meet up at the airport or in the rain and profess their love to each other. But she didn't throw her arms around me and I didn't kiss her and steal her breath. We stared at each other for just long enough that I realized I had misread the situation.<p>

Whatever she was here for had nothing to do with me.

"What do you want?" I asked, my voice full of bitterness. I had been waiting for this moment for more than a month, ever since she broke up with me. But it started with her apologizing and telling me she loved me. Not with her staring at me, her eyes full of pain that didn't seem to have anything to do with me.

Her face crumpled and she started to cry.

I wanted to stand my ground, to protect myself. My heart was already broken beyond repair. One more crack and it would kill me.

But watching Clare fall apart just five feet away from me made me have to admit that my pride wasn't the only thing at stake. Maybe she needed me.

I took a few steps toward her tentatively and she looked up at me with so much hope in her eyes that I couldn't hold back any longer. I pulled her to me, putting my arms around her and resting my cheek against her head.

She cried against me for a few minutes, sucking in deep breaths between sobs. My thumbs skimmed her cheeks, wiping away her tears and slipping through her light brown curls.

"Do you want to come inside and talk?" I asked softly.

She nodded with a grateful look on her face. I slipped my arm around her lower back and led her up the stairs. Cece and Bullfrog were watching tv in the living room when we came in and Cece asked, "Hey Eli , how was your…?" She stopped when she saw Clare and her jaw dropped.

I didn't want to make this a big deal and I knew my mother was about to unleash about a million questions that I didn't have answers to. I shot Cece and look and said, "We'll be upstairs."

Clare sat down on the edge of my bed, looking really uncomfortable. "Your parents must hate me."

"They don't hate you. They're just worried about me."

Clare looked unconvinced. Her bottom lip quivered. "Eli…I'm so sorry," she said softly.

All of the pain of her breaking up with me came rushing back and for the second time tonight the bile rose in my throat. "I need a minute," I choked out and ran to the bathroom.

I managed to keep myself from throwing up but I waited a minute, leaning my hands on the vanity and taking deep breaths trying to calm myself down. I brushed my teeth to get the sour taste out of my mouth.

I felt like I couldn't face Clare, but I was afraid that if I waited too long she'd leave and then I really would lose her forever. I walked back to my room and saw her lying down on my bed, curled up on her side. The only thing I wanted to do was lie down next to her and hold her in my arms. But I settled for sitting at the foot of the bed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked again, more kindly this time.

Clare sat up and looked at me. "I missed you."

God, I missed her too. But I couldn't tell her that. I couldn't give her that piece of me.

"Your date ended early," I commented a little accusingly.

"I could say the same to you," she said tartly. She looked a little embarrassed; I guess she didn't realize I had overheard her talking to Jake earlier.

I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know how to talk to this girl who I had loved for the past few months, the girl who had taught me how to live again…the girl who took everything from me.

"I only asked Jake on a date because Alli talked me into it. She told me you were going out with Imogen and it broke my heart." Even after everything, I felt a pang that I had hurt Clare. She hesitated for a second. "Why did you ask out Imogen?"

The pauses in our conversation grew longer and more uncomfortable. "Because I felt so lonely. Because you broke my heart." My throat closed on me for a second. "Because you dumped me because you couldn't handle how crazy I am and I thought maybe she would understand."

Clare cringed. "Did she?"

I shook my head. "No."

I didn't want to elaborate and Clare didn't push. "What happened?" I asked tentatively, not really sure I wanted to know the answer. "What happened on your date that made you so upset? Why did I find you on my doorstep in tears? Why is it that after a month of being apart you all of a sudden miss me?" My voice grew stronger as I cycled through the questions.

She looked down at her hands. "It's not all of a sudden. I've missed you every moment since we broke up," she said defensively and I gave her a hard look. "I didn't want to date Jake. He's an old friend and I thought it would be nice to spend time with him and I didn't want you to move on and leave me behind."

Tears streaked down her face and there was a wobble in her voice for the first time. "He was my best friend as a child, but it turns out…he's not a nice guy."

"Did he hurt you?" I asked, alarmed.

She wouldn't meet my eyes. "He took me to the drive in and he kissed me and he kept trying to do more."

"Clare…" I move closer so I was sitting right in front of her. "Did he…?" I grabbed onto the bedspread to try to control my rage.

"He just kept trying to touch me. I didn't like it and I kept pushing him away."

I squinched my eyes closed trying to get the image out of my head. "Are you okay?"

"I am now."

I could feel my hands tensing into fists instinctively. "The thought of him kissing you, touching you. It kills me. And the fact that you didn't want it and he tried anyway. It makes me want to kill him."

"Please don't," she said softly. "He's not worth it."

"But you are."

She moved closer to me on the bed, our knees touching, her skin against my rough denim. "What happened with Imogen?"

I grimaced. "She's not anything like I thought she was. She's fake and she lies and…" I wanted to say "She's not you," but I was still afraid to put my heart on the line with Clare.

"So you don't want to be with her?"

I shook my head. She looked like she was waiting for me to say more.

"Do you want to be with me?" she asked, with a look of desperation in her eyes that betrayed her quiet tone.

"More than you could ever know." The look in her eye had given me the courage to tell her how I felt, and I was pleased to see her happiness at my response.

Clare threw her arms around me with such force that it actually knocked me back unto the bed and she climbed on top of me.

Clare had gotten very comfortable with me over the months we dated but she rarely took the lead, and she never got aggressive. So when she started kissing me more intensely than ever before, I couldn't help but follow her cues. Her hands came up and cupped my cheeks as her mouth opened mind almost too wide, her tongue pressing against mine insistently. She moved her hips deliberately against mine and started to pull up on the bottom of my shirt, and I realized that as amazing as this was, it was a bad idea.

"Clare, stop," I said, pushing back on her shoulder gently.

She knelt back between my legs. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Clare, this doesn't change anything."

Tears welled up in her eyes once again. "What do you mean?"

"You broke up with me for a reason. Nothing has changed."

"Oh," she said softly.

We stared at each other again, our silences much less comfortable than they had been during our relationship.

"Eli, I broke up with you because you wouldn't give me any space. Because you were clingy and you always needed to be around me. Because you made me feel bad for wanting to go to the dance or hang out with Alli and Adam. But you've given me all the space I've needed for the past month and it's made me realize I want to be with you."

"But the problem is that wasn't my choice," I said bitterly. "I only let you go because I had to."

"But knowing that you could get through that…doesn't that change something? You weren't with me every minute of every day and you were fine. Don't you think that's something we could work on together?"

"I would say fine is a generous overstatement. I've been miserable, Clare."

"So have I." She reached over and grabbed my hand. "But wouldn't it be better to be together some of the time than not at all?"

"That sounds great in theory. But I know I'm not going to be able to give you want you want. Because you're going to walk out that door tonight and tell me, "See you Monday" and I'm going to wish I was seeing you tomorrow and Sunday, and I'm only going to push you away again."

Clare was quiet for a minute. "Is it because of Julia?" I blinked at her in surprise. We had never really talked about _why_ things had changed between us. "I know the dance was the night of her death and I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. But is the reason you always want to be around me because when you let her go you lost her?"

I had managed to keep myself from crying throughout this conversation, but I could feel one tear trickle down my cheek as I nodded. Clare wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me close. "Eli," she whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

My voice was gravelly. "It's hard for me to trust you on that. And not just because I lost her. Because you told me you'd never leave me and then you broke up with me, and now that I don't trust you, it just makes it that much harder to let you out of my sight. You're going to turn around one day and you'll fall in love with Fitz or you'll give Jake another chance or you'll just get hit by a car and I'll lose you forever."

"I love _you_, Eli. And I want you to trust me again. Do you think we can work on that together?"

"What's the point? I'm just going to push you away again."

"The problem we had was that we both had all these feelings and we kept them hidden from each other. So it seemed like you wanted to be with me 100% of the time, and I didn't want to be with you. But if we keep talking about it, I think we can find a way to make us both happy. If I think you're getting clingy, I will talk to you about it, rather than pushing you away."

I was skeptical that would work. But at the same time, I knew this was my only chance with her. And I'd try anything if it meant that we were together.

"I can't promise you things will be perfect, but I promise you that I'll try."

A slow smile spread over Clare's face. She crawled toward me on the bed and resumed kissing me with fervor. It seemed too soon to be getting physical with her again and I pushed her away gently.

"Clare," I panted, trying to catch my breath. "We can't just jump back into things like nothing happened."

"Why not?" she purred. "Eli, I've missed you so much. I want you to make me forget everything terrible that happened today, and make me regret the time we had to spend apart. I want to feel your hands all over my body." She gave me a predatory look. "I want you."

Her words were so naked that with only a moment's hesitation, I brought my lips back up to hers. I flipped us over so I was lying on top of her, and pressed into her in a way I usually tried to avoid. She grabbed my ass, then slipped her hands up my t-shirt and pulled it over my head. We had done that before, but never this quickly.

I ripped my lips from hers and stared down at her body, her chest heaving with deep breaths calling attention to the buttons on her flowered blouse. I hesitated, recalling her earlier experience with Jake and how he had touched her in ways that made her uncomfortable, but Clare just bit her lip coyly and fingered the top button.

I moved her hands out of the way and made quick work of her shirt, spreading the fabric and burying my face in her cleavage. She arched her back off the bed, giving me an unconscious signal that she wanted me to unhook her bra, and I slid both pieces of fabric down her arms.

Clare's blush spread down to her chest. I knelt over her and started leaving kisses all over her, starting at her belly button and working my way up her body. "Oh Clare," I whispered as my lips caressed her body. "I've missed you so much." I sucked a nipple into my mouth as she let out a beautiful moan. "I've been dreaming about this every night since we broke up."

I continued up her body before stopping to suck on her pulse point, her voluptuous breast pressed against my naked chest. "Let's not think about the past." The softness of her words contrasted with the twisted look of pleasure on her face. "Let's make a memory for our future."

I grinned against her lips as our tongues tangled. She wrapped her legs around mine and used her leverage to flip us over. "You're awfully aggressive tonight," I teased, taking a moment to push her curls behind her ear.

"Do you like it?" Her expression was so innocent, but her body moved against mine in a way that was anything but.

"I love it."

She sat up, kneeling between my legs and touched the button on my jeans. I gazed at her wide eyed. "What are you doing?" She was so close to my cock, and it seemed like she might be trying to take my jeans off, and we'd never done that before and fuck, I wanted her to touch me.

"Taking your pants off."

"Are you sure?" I asked, a little skeptically.

"I wouldn't do it if I wasn't sure."

It took her a minute to unhook the button and lower the zipper and I grabbed onto my boxers while she tugged my jeans off. I just watched, trying to figure out where she was going with this, and if there was any chance she'd let me take some of her remaining clothes off.

She lay back down, but off to the side a little so that she wasn't directly on top of me. She distracted me with her kisses but my body was hyper aware of every millimeter her hand moved down my stomach. It took all of the strength I had to stop her when her fingers met the waistband of my boxers.

"Can I take your skirt off?" I asked, half hoping she'd stop me and half wishing she'd get naked and bounce on my cock.

Her eyes widened but she bit her lip and nodded. With her help, I unhooked and unzipped the side of her skirt, and she wiggled out of it, wearing only plain green cotton underwear.

She looked embarrassed. "I didn't really expect…"

I laughed. "You're beautiful, Clare. No matter what you're wearing." I smirked at her. "Or not wearing."

She blushed at first, but then she laughed with me, and the moment just felt so perfect that I thought I'd take a risk. I rolled her onto her side and pulled her leg over my hip. I slipped my fingers underneath her underwear and into her.

"Oh my God," she breathed.

"Are you sure this is okay?" She seemed to be enjoying it but it was such a big step for us, I want to make sure she wanted the same thing I did.

"Mmmhmm," she moaned. She kissed me deeply as I circled her clit, her body tensing against mine. Her fingers clenched against my chest as she let out a scream that I really hoped my parents couldn't hear, and she shuddered against me, her eyes fluttering shut.

She collapsed against me, wiped out for the moment and I slid my fingers out of her and held her close. "I love you, Clare," I whispered, kissing her temple. "I love that you let me touch you and make you feel good."

Part of me was hoping she'd touch me and make me feel good, but I never expected her to climb back on top of me and rub herself against me so deliberately. With almost no clothing between us, I was so close to being inside her that I couldn't take it, thrusting up against her and hoping she'd let me keep going so I could get off.

"Eli," she whispered, biting my earlobe. "Do you have a condom?"

Fuck. It took all of my willpower to still her hips with my hands. "Clare, we can't…"

"We can," she insisted.

"You want to wait," I choked out.

"I want to wait until I'm with the right person. And it's you, Eli. I love you."

I tried to be firm. "We just got back together an hour ago. You're going to regret this."

"The only thing I regret is not doing this sooner. You're the only guy I want to be with Eli. Why should I wait for marriage when I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life?"

I was trying to keep focus on her face but her breasts were dangling over me. "One bad date and you're ready for forever with me?"

"Ever since you kissed me in the school library, I've been ready." She looked at me with her beautiful doe eyes, and I was gone. "Don't you want to be with me?"

I reached for her left hand. "If it weren't for this ring on your finger, you'd be on your back with your ankles next to your ears and I'd be inside you in an instant, making love to you until you begged me to fuck you."

Clare shuddered at my bold words. She climbed off me and lay down next to me, raising her legs into the air. She took her ring off her finger and held it out to me. "Please, Eli," she begged, and I couldn't resist her any longer.

I took the ring from her and slipped it onto my pinky, before I knelt on the bed and pressed a kiss on her ankle. I followed the line of her leg with my mouth until I reached her inner thighs. She was arching and moaning from my feather light touch, and I slipped her underwear off her legs.

I reached into my nightstand and grabbed a condom, glad I had taken a chance and purchased some new ones just in case. I tossed my boxers over my shoulder and unwrapped the package as Clare gazed at me wide-eyed. I smirked a little bit as I realized she had never seen a guy naked before.

I rolled the condom on and placed myself at her entrance, rubbing myself against her clit a little. "I can still stop," I said gently. "We don't have to do this."

"I love you," she said and her eyes told me everything I need to know.

I pushed into her, trying to be gentle, and it felt like heaven. Clare winced a bit at first, but soon she was rocking against me, wrapping her legs around my waist to bring us even closer. I held her and kissed her and grabbed her ass and licked her breast and bit her neck as I tried to hold out as long as I could.

Clare was letting out little murmurs and I moved her legs so that they rested on my shoulders. I increased my pace and pressed into her, and she pulled my lips down to her. Clare was clearly pretty flexible and I realized that this was just the first time, that we had plenty of future times together to try out new things and to show each other just how much we loved each other. The thought of making love to her over and over again sent me over the edge and I gasped as I came inside her.

I didn't want to move but she seemed uncomfortable so I slipped out and disposed of the condom. I lay down next to her and pulled her close. "Are you happy?" I asked, desperate to know the answer.

"Happier than I've ever been in my life."

She gazed at me, her eyes boring deep into my soul. "What's wrong?"

I hated that she could tell that despite the beautiful act we just shared, I still was worried. "I'm still afraid I'm going to fuck this up. And now if I ruin everything, I will haven taken everything from you. And you don't deserve that."

She pushed the hair out of my eyes. "You know that mix CD you gave me. Of the messed up love songs?" I nodded. "Well there's that line that goes 'If my heart's gonna get broken anyway, I'd rather have it get broken by you. You're the only one.'"

"I don't want to break your heart," I said, the pangs of regret from earlier returning more strongly as I realized what having sex with someone like Clare really meant.

"You won't," she said, and her conviction made me start to believe she was right. "I'm in this, Eli. For as long as you'll have me."

I took her ring off my pinky and slipped it back onto her ring finger. "Forever," I pledged, not letting go of her hand.

She kissed me for just a brief moment but it held the promise of something much, much longer. "Forever."


End file.
